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Friday, August 11, 2006
Fuck. I got a fucking B3 for Chinese. When I was so confident of an A1, all I got was a shity B3. Fucking hell. Why. Why must it happen to me. Why am I always the one that don't do as well as the others. Out of everyone else, I'm the only one with a measly B. Even the foreigners did better than me. Fuck. I wished I could die a fucking death now. Get knocked down by a fucking car, cut myself and fucking bleed to death. My only consistent subject and fuck it. Why am I born so fucking dumb. You can't get an A2, much less an A1. And you placed your fucking hopes so high. So your future's ruined, and JC seemed too far a dream now. Goodbye to a job that pays fucking well, and hello to one that requires you to operate around your fucking employer's mood.

10 points for O's. Don't fucking make me laugh. Yeah mum, you're right. I'd be surprised too if I got a fucking A.

It's not like I don't want to? I tried my fucking best and it's worth that grade. I'm like every other person out there, I want to do well, I want to earn big bucks. Is there anyone in this world who would choose the painful path of poverty? I really wanted to do well. I really wanted to. I'd give my life to do well and stop all these sufferings. Can't you fucking see? When every of my friends, from primary school to secondary school, when they all told me they got a distinction, I so envied them. I guess this is all I could do. I'll try, I'll try again. I'll try till I fucking die trying, and till I get that fucking A on my scoresheet. I can't do this anymore, but I'll do it. I will. I'll retake the exams if possible, and try to do even better. You can scold me, beat me. I'm sorry I can't get an A. I'll try again. I'll fucking try again.

Fuck this. Fuck fuck fuck.

12:18 AM

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