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Sunday, July 30, 2006
I stepped out today for inner healing during the alter call. I made tens of thousand excuses not to go up for it, even though I knew long ago that this moment would come. And it's interesting to know that for the second call, everything he said pointed out to me. I guessed I scared the hell out of most people, writhing on the floor and yelling out. I mumbled a silent prayer afterwards, and I really hope that once and for all, the fucking problem would go away.

So yeah, I guess the hatred/lust/unforgiveness, and all of which had already disappeared. But one thing's that, I guess once my eyes were open to this world, I can't really get myself out. It's like quicksand, I just sink deeper knowing everything happened because of one reason. That humans are selfish, and they seek for only what they yearn. And this leads to a web of hurt unconciously or deliberately spun entangling all around them. Now I'm cowering in a corner, afraid to come out, afraid to step back into this harsh place where such beings dwell in.

Haha, I don't mind much actually. It's comfortable being hidden in the shadows. Unlike much people who try and gain fame and popularity, the amount of friends or people around you do not determine a person. I was once like them, but I've come to realise, what people label as 'loner' is just an excuse to hide away or to lengthen the spell of being surrounded by many. Well, it'd come eventually. What all people end up when they grow old, and when white linings appear above. And what's left would be just that two or three people destined to be with you.

It's funny, really. How humans are actually the question and the answer themselves.

5:08 AM

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